Category: Short Essays and Responses

Regnerus’ argument, and the evidence he musters to support it, shows clearly that the current mating and dating culture/market is harmful to the interests of most women and just makes it easier for men to get the central good they want from women (sexual access) without any real exchange of other goods that women desire (e.g., emotional attachment, long-term monogamous commitment). As a society, we should rethink this piece of our culture and try to find ways to adjust it in ways that would make the experiences of women like Alyssa (who is described at length in the book) more fulfilling and healthy

            In the book Cheap Sex, Regnerus argues that the current dating market, characterized by contraceptives, dating apps, pornography, and overall access to “cheap sex”, just makes it easier for men to get the “central good” they desire from women, while making it harder for women to get what they desire. He claims that women desire relationships and emotional attachment, but for countless reasons, in the era of “cheap sex”, monogamy and marriage are becoming less and less common. I believe that as a society we should rethink this part of our culture to a certain extent, however, many aspects of the problem that deserve the rethinking are not discussed at length in by Regnerus.

            There is no denying that in our society, sex has become easier to access, and this has had numerous effects on our culture overall. Sex is less of risk, as with “new” technology, sex doesn’t necessarily lead to pregnancy. In the past, men and women would wait longer to have sex, as they both would usually want to be prepared to raise a baby if they did. People needed to invest in a personal relationship, both emotionally and economically, before developing a sexual one. Regnerus brings up data that shows more people than ever before are having sex on the first date, or before starting a committed relationship. He also states that monogamy is less common than it ever has been. Though correlation does not equal causation, it seems fairly intuitive that this sudden increase in availability of sex would lead to a decrease of people working hard for it.

            There are definitely pros and cons to this development, but I believe it is an overall good thing for women, even though it does lead to some harsh consequences for them. In the book, we read about Carlos, who watches porn even though it upsets his girlfriend. In my opinion, Carlos clearly doesn’t care much about his girlfriend, but she stays with him, arguably because there are more eligible women on the market than men, so she might feel like she has to. We should be concerned if we are in a society that produces many men like Carlos. However, the past also produced many men like Carlos. In the 1950’s, a Carlos could have been married to a woman and cheated on her, and she wouldn’t have any ability to leave him, since she’d be financially dependent and probably share a kid with him. In the 1950’s, men could still get away with being sexually promiscuous (to a lesser extent), while women never could. It is undoubtedly better to live in a society where women at least have the freedom to leave bad men, and to do what they want sexually without being as ostracized.

            That being said, I still feel we need to rethink this problem, but the only way to do this is by looking forward, and trying to create a better world with this new sex culture. Things are hard for women in the dating market, but things have always been hard for them. In the 1950’s and 60’s, men worked harder to have sex with them, giving them more of what they wanted, but that is because those women didn’t have the financial capabilities to give themselves these things. In this world, women were often still looked at as less than human. Today, this still can be true, even though many men do respect women wholeheartedly. There is evidence that in a sexual context, women tend to see men as full people, with personalities and a life story, more often than men look at women that way. I realize many men do not think this way, and some women do, but as long as the “central good” a large number of men want from women is sex, women cannot be seen in full. This dichotomy can a least partially explain the evidence in Cheap Sex stating more women report being interested in relationships and emotional attachment. There is evidence in the book to show that most people want to get married and have kids, and it is human nature to want love and companionship. I think in order to move forward and make things better for women in the dating world, we need to create a society that does its best to make men see them as more than just people to have sex with, and make the ones who want to get married want to be good husbands, not because they have to but because they can.

In the book Cheap Sex by Mark Regnerus, he describes sex and the mating market in America. Furthermore, Regnerus explores how it has evolved over the years, especially because it is in many ways become cheaper as well as easier for people of various ages and sexual preferences. This can be seen with different technologies and opinions about sex, which has changed the way people pursue sexual actions. On one hand, men often enjoy this easier access and new abilities as they are more interested in the pleasure of having sex as opposed to having genuine relationships. On the other hand, women are more interested in having emotional attachment and long-term monogamous commitment, which has been less evident in recent history. Of course, these are generalizations as some men and some women have different opinions. Regnerus explains how this change has come about due to a number of reasons, such as applications like Tinder or the replacement of having sex with pornography and masterbation. Many people do not believe this is a healthy and correct way of life. While I do believe the use of this newer and cheaper sex can have some benefits, it should be only used to a certain degree. Therefore, as a society, we should rethink this piece of our culture and try to find ways to adjust it so that the experiences for all people are more fulfilling and healthy. This will allow the current mating and dating culture/market to be less harmful to the interests of most women and make it less easy for men to get the central good they want from women (sexual access) without any real exchange of other goods that women desire.

A problem with these new developments is that the relationships seem less genuine and authentic. Furthermore, this has led to more casual sex and one night stand type of interactions instead of long term relationships. This is especially harmful to women, who generally seem to want the typical style of dating. Consequently, this can lead to men taking advantage of womens’ bodies and only using them for their own benefit. Alyssa, a twenty-seven year old woman from Milwaukee who is interviewed throughout the book, often answers questions in regard to her own sex and mating history. She explains how when she was younger she was into pornography, and how it has influenced her and many others in her generation who grew up with the internet. Despite her admitting to watching pornography, she explains how it has hurt sexual interactions in many ways as it has become more mechanical as you do not have to be connected to your partner. Therefore, it has turned into much less of a loving or emotional act, which certainly hurts the value of relationships. As she has gotten older, she explained that she is looking to settle down (118-119). This demonstrates that women sometimes do take advantage of cheap sex, however, when the time is right they often want to have a long term relationship and ultimately get married.  

With this information in mind, there is no clear answer or way to make these experiences more fulfilling and healthy. One possible solution would be to provide more education and information available on this topic, especially to young adults and those who are starting to take part in these actions. Ultimately, any possible solution would likely involve limiting the access to these new factors that allow for cheap sex, however, this would need to involve self control and honesty. Therefore, in many ways it is up to the individual on how to go about their own sexual life, but being educated and well informed may be the best possible option. By rethinking and reshaping our culture, it will lead to more authentic relationships where the partners truly love each other. As a result, it will lead to women, as well as all types of people, feeling more fulfilled and healthy with their relationships in our society.

In Mark Regnerus’s book, Cheap Sex, the author claims that because most women wish to find long-term, serious relationships, the current dating culture only benefits men because the majority of them are only looking for sexual encounters rather than long-term romantic stability.  A central theme to this book is the idea of “cheap sex”, which Regnerus describes is when women do not expect more from their experience than sex itself and men do not have to dedicate much time, emotion or effort for it to happen (28). This is a common theme to see nowadays, especially for those in the late teens and twenties, because cheap, casual sex has become much easier and more prevalent thanks to more reliable birth control options and the emergence of dating apps. The present day “mating market” (25) has most certainly made sexual access easier and monogamous commitment less common, but that does not necessarily mean that women as a whole are losing in this situation while men are winning by getting what has seemed to be what they have always wanted. Although, as Regnerus has shown with data, it appears as though men want more casual sex than women do. However, society has tainted women’s views in a way that encourages them to have less sex and focus more on getting into serious relationship’s because of the adverse effects of casual sex, such as pregnancy out of wedlock. 

At present day, the mating and dating culture and market, more specifically in the U.S., has had a major shift from monogamous, long-term commitments, to more common casual flings and cheap sex. Regnerus states that romantic commitments have decreased while people now tend to be more sexually active without the plan of remaining committed and sharing a future (42). If one is assuming that women as a whole are only looking for long-term monogamous commitment, then the current mating and dating culture is not beneficial to their wellbeing. However, not every woman is hoping for long-term commitment at every point in her life, and it is arguable that following traditional ideals of monogamous culture is more harmful and sexist against women. Women today are still shamed more than men about their sex lives. It is more socially acceptable for men to view pornography and masturbate, as well as discuss those topics, than it is for women. The data that Regnerus provides does show higher admittance to watching pornography by men than women, however that data could be skewed due to women’s reluctance to discuss this matter due to societal pressure. 

Regnerus discusses the idea of women as “gatekeepers” in heterosexual romantic relationships because men are more likely to want to commence sexual actions before women (26). One reason that this may the case, as Regnerus would argue, is that women are more likely to wish for an emotional commitment and romantic stability. However, another argument that could be displayed is that women have potential to lose more in the case of accidentally getting pregnant at a time in their lives that they are not ready to support a child. Everyone runs the risk of catching a sexually transmitted disease or feeling emotional pain after a heartbreak, but only biological females face the fear of getting pregnant. The emergence of highly effective birth control has helped make this issue less of a fear for women, which has allowed a societal shift to more sexual liberty and freedom between people out of wedlock. 

A person mentioned multiple times throughout the book is Alyssa, a woman from Milwaukee. She mentions that she has a higher libido than her live-in boyfriend, making her sex drive fit more into the typically male category. She explains the dilemma she faces when expecting a traditional heterosexual, monogamous relationship in which the male is responsible for paying on dates, while also wanting to maintain feminist ideals and working towards equality (49). The traditional dating practice made sense back when women could not work and men were the only ones able to provide a living for their families, but now that women can make a living for themselves, there is no real need for this tradition to uphold. Shifting back to the old customs of a monogamous dating culture would not be beneficial to women like Alyssa, because it would hold her back and make her feel ashamed for having a higher sex drive than some men. 

Overall, the way in which society controls the mating and dating market today is different than it has been in the past due to a cultural shift towards more sexual freedom. Women and men who are looking for a long-term, emotional, romantic commitment may find it harder in present-day society to meet someone who is looking for the same kind of relationship. Regnerus argues that the modern dating culture is harmful to women, but not all women are looking for the type of relationship that he mentions. His argument is too broad of a generalization to make about an entire gender and can cause issues of viewing women in a negative light from a societal viewpoint.  

We’ve now read much of Regnerus’ book.

Using the readings, respond to the statement in bold below. You may take any position on it you like; just be sure that you make a case for your position based on the readings.

Regnerus’ argument, and the evidence he musters to support it, shows clearly that the current mating and dating culture/market is harmful to the interests of most women and just makes it easier for men to get the central good they want from women (sexual access) without any real exchange of other goods that women desire (e.g., emotional attachment, long-term monogamous commitment). As a society, we should rethink this piece of our culture and try to find ways to adjust it in ways that would make the experiences of women like Alyssa (who is described at length in the book) more fulfilling and healthy.