Our current sexual institution in the US is one that can be defined as quick sex institution. It has been made into something where relationships are rare, but sex with a stranger is normal. We have made a society where people are looking for quick sexual gratification and nothing more. Regnerus argue that in a natural setting woman are looking for long-term, meaningful, and emotional relationships, and men just want sex. I tend to disagree with his argument. After the sexual liberation of women this generalization does not engulf all women and all men. There are many women who have decided that this ideal of a relationship it too much and they do not want it. I find that it doesn’t matter what sex you are, it matters what you want out of the relationship. This new culture is not hurting one sex but both.
Sexual gratification only comes after you have gotten something that you want out of the experience. According to Regnerus men want sexual gratification in the form of quick cheap sex, and women want sexual gratification in the form of long-term sexual encounters or in Regnerus words, “love, validation of worth, and fostering or reinforcing relationship commitments” (22). This is not true for all women. For instance, in the beginning of the book Alyssa pointed out that she had over 20 sexual partners and her relationships with them did not last more than a few moments or weeks and she was perfectly happy with her decision. Yet, over time she changed her point of view on the topic and decided that she did indeed want something more that would give her a family. This trend is prevalent in most people in our generation, no matter what sex they are, showing that fulfilment comes to both sides in a cheap sex culture. There is a need for cheap sex at a young age, because it is available, yet as time goes by there is a demand for something meaningful.
Our sexual culture is purely a hookup culture at this point. Not long-ago sex was a gift that was given by women after men had shown intentions of staying with them. Yet, now it is something that is given after knowing a stranger for five minutes, and no names are pressed to be given. This is due to the fact that women no longer hold onto this power. Before it was up to the women to decide when sex was going to start in the relationship, but after the sexual liberation women have decided that they wanted to behave the way men have been for years. They wanted to know what it would be like to have sex with a stranger. Women want to be treated as equals in the sexual market, but women want the dating market to be unequal, they want men to be more giving in relationships. Alyssa talks about the sexual attractiveness when a man courts her and it is not the same as when everything is split equal, “ it feels much better, romantically, and its more arousing to be taken out and treated well” (50). The market has a double standard for both genders, women want to be equal in sexual habits, but before that can happen, they want to be courted and chased after.
Pornography plays a huge role in our mating and dating market. It has become available to the masses in a way that is easier and cheaper in every way. Regnerus says that more men watch porn then women, and he supports this with data. Yet, this data could be wrong. A lot of women watch porn, but they are highly unlikely admit to it. This is because there is a social stigmatism around the act of watching pornography. It is seen as unladylike and crude for a woman to watch porn, so they won’t admit to it more often than a man would, because for men it is seen as a normal everyday habit. Even if a woman does not know the person asking them if they use pornography, they will still hesitate or decline, because they will be marked in that person’s mind as a masculine woman, and no women wants to be seen poorly. If pornography was destigmatized, we would see higher rates of women watching porn immediately because it will be okay for them to admit to it.
In the end the mating and dating culture in the US is centered around fast and easy sex. It is unfair to say that it is hurting one sex because in reality it is hurting both sexes. It causes people to be able to stay in their own world and not have to interact with people and treat them like human beings. If this wasn’t our current culture, then we would see higher rates of satisfaction on both sides not just women. All genders benefit from emotional connections with others and it helps people grow and develop. This is not just a problem for women, because they are not the only ones this cheap sex culture is affecting. It may give men a chance to have more sexual partners and experience more things but to have a fulfilling life you need to experience an emotional connection every once in a while.