Regnerus’ argument, and the evidence he musters to support it, shows clearly that the current mating and dating culture/market is harmful to the interests of most women and just makes it easier for men to get the central good they want from women (sexual access) without any real exchange of other goods that women desire (e.g., emotional attachment, long-term monogamous commitment). As a society, we should rethink this piece of our culture and try to find ways to adjust it in ways that would make the experiences of women like Alyssa (who is described at length in the book) more fulfilling and healthy.
In his book “Cheap Sex”, Mark Regnerus details the dramatic change in the developed world’s relationship with sex that has slowly emerged since the advent of birth control and digital pornography. In concert with the sexual revolution and the full integration of women into educational institutions and the workforce, the ability to have sex while preventing pregnancy has greatly impacted dating, marriage, sex (with who, when, why), and the framework through which relationships are evaluated. Paramount among these effects has been an altered mating marketplace where men have gained an increasing advantage. The current mating and dating market has lowered the market price of sex, making it easier for men to get the goods they want from women (sexual access) without any real exchange for the goods women desire such as emotional attachment and long term monogamous commitment.
The abundance of sexual opportunity provided by women individually has the collective outcome increasing men’s power in relationships, with power being defined as “the function of the dependence of one actor on another.” (37) When sex is cheap, female partners are increasingly replaceable for men which diminishes their incentive to stay in relationships, especially ones where demands for commitment or exclusivity are being placed. Therefore, the more the price falls, the more difficult it will be for women to acquire the goods they value.
Sexual access has become unfathomably cheap for men compared to the price in resources and commitment their great grandparents had to pay for the same. The relationships in America data cited by Regnerus highlights the fact that “45% of women said they first had sex with their current (or most recent) partner no later than the first two weeks of their relationship,” (98) and about 15% of those interactions took place only on the first date. Every woman that Regnerus cites from his personal interview references giving men sex early on in their relationships, expecting almost nothing in return, and even granting sexual requests faster when with a man who is not perceived as ‘relationship material.’
The shifting power dynamic in the sexual exchange has altered the marriage market by dramatically increasing competition amongst females. The bifurcated mating market characterizing today’s society is uneven; “there are more men in the sex corner of the pool than women and more women than men over in the marriage corner.” (35) As sex has cheapened, men have become less marriageable because “the wearying detour of getting education and career prospects to qualify for sex” (149) can now be easily skipped. The supply of marriageable men has lowered during the same time frame in which women have become increasingly economically independent and have “altered the criterion of marriageability to include not just the economic prospects of men but other latent traits as well” (148) such as “personal traits like affability, flexibility, personality, social support, and ideological homogeneity.” (149) As competition for the goods women want increases, the percentage of them who will end up in a situation that they are happy about will fall.
Alyssa, one of the women Regnerus has interviewed, has run the gamut of cheap sexual experiences that are commonplace in today’s society. Her use of pornography started at age 9, her first sexual relationship was at age 15, she was addicted to porn in college, and has had more than 20 partners before settling into a cohabitation relationship at the age of 27. (119) But now, her interests have shifted; she lost her “interest in partner hopping and for experiencing… new people and new syles and new lifestyles,” (149) instead wanting to “settle down [and] stay put.” (149) Due to the changes to the mating market, however, the odds that Alyssa will get what she wants are increasingly slim. Alyssa’s life may end up looking like another of Regnerus’ interviewees. He leads off the book by presenting the story of Sarah, a 35-year-old who is childless and unable to locate commitment from men no matter where she looks. Unless the ‘cheap sex’ element of our culture is rethought, the altered sexual market will result in ever-increasing numbers of women finding themselves stuck in this seemingly inescapable conundrum.
2 replies on “Herndon SE 5”
I felt as though this essay was very well put and included a strong introductory paragraph with firm points expressed throughout. Ideas about the change in the mating marketplace were initially presented due to birth control and digital pornography. Men have taken the ‘cheaper’ route when it comes to a relationship because of the abundance of technological advancements, leaving the sexual associations with women at a standstill. Clear definitions and statistics are provided from Regnerus’ book as well. As a result of this, the marriage market has been altered and there has been a large shift in the power dynamic in sexual relationships. Personal experience from Alyssa, one of the individuals whom Regnerus interviewed, was focused on throughout. The inclusion of this provides more authenticity in your essay and helps prove your thesis. Overall, this piece of writing was very strong, despite this though, I would maybe put the direct quotations in your own words.
To reiterate what I said in class, I think this essay is very well-written and does a really good job at explaining the key points of Regnerus’s argument while also including the specific interviews he does throughout his book. I think in particular bringing up Alyssa and her story towards the end of your essay further helped make the essay strong and concise.