In Mark Regnerus’s book, Cheap Sex, the author claims that because most women wish to find long-term, serious relationships, the current dating culture only benefits men because the majority of them are only looking for sexual encounters rather than long-term romantic stability. A central theme to this book is the idea of “cheap sex”, which Regnerus describes is when women do not expect more from their experience than sex itself and men do not have to dedicate much time, emotion or effort for it to happen (28). This is a common theme to see nowadays, especially for those in the late teens and twenties, because cheap, casual sex has become much easier and more prevalent thanks to more reliable birth control options and the emergence of dating apps. The present day “mating market” (25) has most certainly made sexual access easier and monogamous commitment less common, but that does not necessarily mean that women as a whole are losing in this situation while men are winning by getting what has seemed to be what they have always wanted. Although, as Regnerus has shown with data, it appears as though men want more casual sex than women do. However, society has tainted women’s views in a way that encourages them to have less sex and focus more on getting into serious relationship’s because of the adverse effects of casual sex, such as pregnancy out of wedlock.
At present day, the mating and dating culture and market, more specifically in the U.S., has had a major shift from monogamous, long-term commitments, to more common casual flings and cheap sex. Regnerus states that romantic commitments have decreased while people now tend to be more sexually active without the plan of remaining committed and sharing a future (42). If one is assuming that women as a whole are only looking for long-term monogamous commitment, then the current mating and dating culture is not beneficial to their wellbeing. However, not every woman is hoping for long-term commitment at every point in her life, and it is arguable that following traditional ideals of monogamous culture is more harmful and sexist against women. Women today are still shamed more than men about their sex lives. It is more socially acceptable for men to view pornography and masturbate, as well as discuss those topics, than it is for women. The data that Regnerus provides does show higher admittance to watching pornography by men than women, however that data could be skewed due to women’s reluctance to discuss this matter due to societal pressure.
Regnerus discusses the idea of women as “gatekeepers” in heterosexual romantic relationships because men are more likely to want to commence sexual actions before women (26). One reason that this may the case, as Regnerus would argue, is that women are more likely to wish for an emotional commitment and romantic stability. However, another argument that could be displayed is that women have potential to lose more in the case of accidentally getting pregnant at a time in their lives that they are not ready to support a child. Everyone runs the risk of catching a sexually transmitted disease or feeling emotional pain after a heartbreak, but only biological females face the fear of getting pregnant. The emergence of highly effective birth control has helped make this issue less of a fear for women, which has allowed a societal shift to more sexual liberty and freedom between people out of wedlock.
A person mentioned multiple times throughout the book is Alyssa, a woman from Milwaukee. She mentions that she has a higher libido than her live-in boyfriend, making her sex drive fit more into the typically male category. She explains the dilemma she faces when expecting a traditional heterosexual, monogamous relationship in which the male is responsible for paying on dates, while also wanting to maintain feminist ideals and working towards equality (49). The traditional dating practice made sense back when women could not work and men were the only ones able to provide a living for their families, but now that women can make a living for themselves, there is no real need for this tradition to uphold. Shifting back to the old customs of a monogamous dating culture would not be beneficial to women like Alyssa, because it would hold her back and make her feel ashamed for having a higher sex drive than some men.
Overall, the way in which society controls the mating and dating market today is different than it has been in the past due to a cultural shift towards more sexual freedom. Women and men who are looking for a long-term, emotional, romantic commitment may find it harder in present-day society to meet someone who is looking for the same kind of relationship. Regnerus argues that the modern dating culture is harmful to women, but not all women are looking for the type of relationship that he mentions. His argument is too broad of a generalization to make about an entire gender and can cause issues of viewing women in a negative light from a societal viewpoint.
5 replies on “Short Essay 6”
I liked how you pointed out some flaws in Regnerus’s argument and I also agree that his argument is much too broad and can be harmful in some ways. I think that he does not have enough nuance in his data and that his findings are somewhat biased from an older point of view. Overall this essay was very well-organized and I think it was very beneficial to bring up some of the flaws that are present in the arguments made from Regnerus.
This was a very well-written essay, as you make a great argument. You do a great job describing Regnerus’ ideas as well as using your own opinion, which help give evidence to your argument. Additionally, you did a good job describing Alyssa and bringing her into your argument. Overall, your ideas are clear as you make a strong argument on how this has evolved over the years.
Ella, your essay is very well written and point out important specifics. I agree with the matter how Regenerus data could possibly be skewed because women prefer to keep their sexual actions confidential. Your ending paragraph is a strong way to end. The effort to understand Regenerus argument is clearly represented in your essay, you generalize everything within your last paragraph. Very well organized and I appreciate how you challenge Regenerus. beliefs.
This was a very structurally sound and well-written essay. While today’s sexual market has undoubtedly taken a turn towards greater sexual freedom, I agree that it is still important to recognize that it is a spectrum. Stereotypes in men and women may be true statistically, but can vary significantly on an individual level. And though these new changes to the market may make it harder to obtain long-term partnerships, not everyone is looking for an extended relationship at every point in their lives, as you point out. When analyzing the data and Regenerus’s book, I agree that it is critical to acknowledge that not everything he presents is an ultimatum and personal level issues pertaining to these sexual matters can differ greatly from statistical norms.
After reading through your short essay in class and providing verbal feedback, I am going to reiterate some of the ideas I alluded to in class. Overall, I think your essay was very effectively organized and well thought out. I believe that your points are valid and that they are backed by sufficient evidence, especially through the incorporation of Alyssa as an example. I think your essay could be even stronger if you directly state that Regnerus is utilizing data solely from interviews and surveys and because of this, the data may not accurately represent the population. In fact, due to this methodology, respondents, especially women in this case, are far less likely to be entirely honest. Also, I think it would be helpful if you expanded on the idea of sexual freedom and what this means for women as compared to previous times. I think your final sentence does a great job of wrapping up your essay and clarifying your argument.